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See You Around
Author's Notes: This is the first WW fic I've ever posted. I swore
a while back I'd never write in this fandom because the standard's too
high. But then I realised that I usually bring the standard down wherever
I'm at anyway!
On a serious note, I use three dots in a row to show a pause/trail off. I've noticed before that they sometimes don't come out in email, instead just leaving one dot. Apologies if that happens here, and I hope you can work out which ones are actually supposed to be pauses.
Feedback: Will make me finish that JD series I'm writing a lot quicker. That, and if someone wants to do my piano exam in three weeks...
I walk into my kitchen at 6am and find Donna sitting at the table. I immediately feel better.
"Good, you have enough time for breakfast this morning." I can't help but smile to myself as I grab some milk from the fridge for my cereal.
"Yes, Donnatella, I am having some cereal and then I think I am going to walk to work."
"But don't you need your car later?" My smile fades as I remember the visit I'm making this afternoon, which will indeed require my car. "Although, you could just cancel that."
Not going to happen. This is one thing I will never cancel. The look I give Donna informs her of that.
"Well, it was only a suggestion." I nod and continue eating my cereal.
"So, will I be seeing you in work today?" She smiles and shrugs a little before she gains a slightly sad expression.
"I miss the West Wing. I miss the people."
"They miss you, too." I look down into my bowl and whisper. "I miss you." She smiles softly again.
"Maybe I'll stop by. See how everyone's doing." I finish my cereal and stand up to dump my dish in the sink before heading towards the door. I stop and turn to Donna.
"Good. I'll see you later then." And now I'm smiling again.
"Later, Joshua." I turn around and head for the door, picking up my backpack and coat along the way.
After the staff meeting at 8am, I have one other meeting scheduled for the whole day, and it's not until 1pm. I spend the rest of the morning catching up on some reading. Donna turns up around eleven so I decide to take an early lunch. We stay in my office, the doors closed.
"How come you didn't get fries?" If I didn't know better, I'd think she was whining.
"Because you always steal my fries. Even when I asked if you wanted any, you'd say no and still end up stealing mine." This subject brings bittersweet memories to the surface; memories of thousands of lunches and dinners in this office, in the Roosevelt Room, at either one of our apartments, on the campaign trail, and in every one, she always steals my fries.
She just smiles at me, silently admitting her guilt while at the same time accusing me of not really minding.
She's right about that.
"Everyone seems okay. Sam and Toby are writing one of their best speeches ever and CJ doesn't let the press take her anywhere anymore."
"I know."
"You're doing good too, Joshua." I try not to let the overwhelming sadness I feel show on my face.
"I'd be a doing a lot better if you were still here." She drops her head and I know she's on the verge of tears.
"Donna, don't... I'm sorry. Please, don't get upset." I can hear my own voice catch. "It's just, I love you. I've always loved you."
"I never wanted to leave, Josh. I had no choice." I cover my eyes, not wanting to remember the day she left me.
"I know." We're both silent for a while. Neither of us were ever quiet before... just before. Now we must spend half our time together in a peaceful silence.
The knock on my door disturbs us.
"Josh?"
"Just a minute, Sam." I rub my hand over my eyes and head to the door. He looks surprised when I open it myself but he recovers quickly and gives me a concerned look.
"You okay?" I nod. I don't trust my mouth to lie at the moment. "I was wondering if you wanted me to come with you this afternoon."
"I'll be fine, Sam."
"You don't look fine, now, Josh. You sure you're gonna be okay, man?"
"Sam, it's been two years." Doesn't matter. It could be twenty years and this day wouldn't be any easier. He's about to say something but I just carry on talking. "Besides, I want to go alone. I need to."
"Okay. Just... give me a call if you need me, okay."
"I always loved you too, Joshua," Donna whispers behind me. I want to turn around but I answer Sam first.
"Yeah, thanks Sam." I watch him walk away from the office for a few seconds and then turn around, to find Donna gone.
My one o'clock is in the Roosevelt Room with senior staff, their deputies and assistants. It only lasts about half an hour and I really was paying attention to the first five minutes. Then I glanced around the room and saw Donna standing at the back, leaning against the wall. I spend the rest of the meeting looking around the room or at the table, my gaze always pausing on Donna for a few seconds whenever I set my eyes on her. She seems to spend the whole meeting just watching me, but instead of finding it annoying or uncomfortable, I find that it calms me.
Unlike the not-at-all-discreet glances from the rest of the senior staff. They're acting like they're expecting me to break down at any minute.
I leave the west wing straight after Leo dismisses everyone. I stop just once to pick up a Caramel Machiatto from Starbucks and a single flower from the shop next door. Ten minutes later, I'm walking through the cemetery, towards the final resting place of the one and only, Donnatella Moss.
"Good afternoon, Donnatella. Don't worry, I brought my own coffee," I say, raising the cup a little in a small toast. I bend to place the cup on the ground before taking my jacket off and then sitting down next to Donna's headstone.
It's a beautiful day - hot and sunny, just like the day of Donna's funeral. I push my shades back up from the place they've slid to and begin to talk.
"I know we've talked quite a bit already today, but I wanted to come here. I... God, please understand. I love seeing you around, and talking to you, but I know this, here, is real - as much as I wish it wasn't. I don't know if you sitting in my kitchen or my office is actually, y'know, you, or just proof that I'm insane."
I first "saw" Donna the day she was taken from me. I was sitting in my office watching CNN and reading some memos. She'd left just ten minutes before, giving me that annoyed but grateful look when I asked her if she was going to be okay getting home. I thought she had her car. If I'd known she was going to take the metro, there would have been no way I would have let her go alone.
I was just finishing the last memo when I looked up and saw her in the doorway to my office. She was wearing the same clothes she'd worn to work that day, but she looked radiant. I mean, she always looked beautiful to me, but she was practically glowing. In hindsight, I don't know. Maybe she was.
She smiled slightly, but her eyes were full of unshed tears. She gave me a small wave.
"See you around, Josh." And then she walked away. I remember calling after her, but by the time I got to the doorway, she'd disappeared.
I was standing there puzzled when Sam came walking up the corridor. I was about to ask him if he'd passed Donna when the look on his face finally registered. I asked him what was the matter and he practically shoved me into my office and down into the visitor's chair.
Then he told me. He could barely get the words out. I went straight into denial-mode, telling him that she was just here, until Sam had to stop me pacing by slamming me into the wall and yelling the truth right in my face.
I broke down - there's no other word for it. Sam tried to hug me but I pushed his hands away, slid down the wall and wept.
She'd arrived at the metro station to find some guy attacking another woman. Donna, being the selfless person she is, had tried to stop him. The guy'd had a knife and she was stabbed near the heart. She'd died almost instantly.
"Why'd you do it, Donna? Why did you have to get involved? No, I know why. It's because that's who you are." I force myself to correct that. "Were. I just wish it hadn't happened. I wish I had a chance to say all the things I should have told you, like how brilliant an assistant you were, or how I couldn't have done my job without you."
"Forget that. I should have told you how deeply in love with you I am, and how I can't live without you."
I rub my hand across my face again and am surprised to find it covered in tears, although not really. I laugh humourlessly.
"Maybe that's why I keep seeing you. I can't live without you, so I imagine you're still with me. There's nothing wrong with that, is there? I'm not hurting anyone - no-one even knows."
I can see Donna's face now. Smiling at me with that 'yeah, sure!' expression. Humouring me and mocking me at the same time.
Y'know, now that I think of it, I don't think Donna ever said just one thing with her expressions. She always managed to imply two totally opposite meanings. Just one more talent to add to the list.
"Anyway. I hope you're okay, wherever you are right now. Wherever it is, I'm sure it's tidy and well organised! Just a little joke there Donna."
"I know. I'm still not funny. Even less so these days. Don't let that stop you visiting me though, will you?"
For a while, whenever I thought about that day, about seeing her at the door to my office, I couldn't find an explanation, but I could write it off as a one-off experience, a wonderful chance for me to see her one last time.
Then I saw her again. It was at her funeral. At first, I was going to ask whether anybody else could see her, but then I thought (yes, for once I thought about something before opening my mouth) about how that would sound. I'd have ended up in a straightjacket. So I kept it to myself, and quietly freaked out on my own. After all, just because nobody else would get the chance to call me nuts didn't mean I wasn't going to call myself it.
I rationalized it again. It was a terrible day, emotionally, and I was under a lot of stress. I left it at that and tried to get on with my life.
Finding another assistant was impossible for a while. Instead, Ginger and Bonnie would take turns to help me out. I took some interviews but couldn't find the strength to hire someone. Then Leo called me into his office and told me I had to get it done. It wasn't until I went home that night that I finally agreed though.
That night I met Donna again, this time in my apartment. It was that night I came to terms with the fact that every now and then I would see Donna, sometimes talk to her, and if that meant I was crazy, then so be it. At the time, I believed it was the only thing that was keeping me alive.
To be honest, there could still be some truth in that.
I glance at my watch - the one Donna bought me for Hanukkah to replace the one she always said sucked. "In fact, they say it sucks in four different time zones" she'd said. She was right too, but her hopes that I would be on time for anything without her telling me now that I had a new watch were just wishful thinking on her part. Anyway, the watch says it's 6pm and the sun is beginning to set. It's then I realise that I've been twirling the flower I brought in my hand this whole time. It's a white rose. I always bring a single white rose when I come here. I raise the rose to my lips and kiss it lightly before placing it down in front of the stone that commemorates Donnatella's life.
"See you around, Donnatella," I whisper before standing up. I look down for a moment and then turn to leave, but just before I turn, I see a figure standing by the trees, a good hundred foot in front of me.
Despite the distance, I can still see her smile and wave at me. I just smile back, and then watch her as she walks away, losing sight of her behind a tree. She doesn't reappear on the other side.
I walk away knowing that I will be okay for a while and then, when I'm starting to unravel, she will return and save me again.
Just as she always has.
~~~
End.
~~~
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