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Moments of Madness

Moments: Chapter 2

Warnings: A little angst now. There's no way this is going to be an easy ride!

Author's Notes: Okay, this is the sequel to my first ever fanfic, The Alternate Truth. This will make a bit more sense if you read that story first. But probably not much!!

Disclaimer: I don't make any money period so I'm sure as hell not making any money from this. I'm just borrowing the characters (from a whole list of people: MGM, Gekko Productions, etc.etc. I'm surprised these characters don't have major identity crises!) for a short while and I'll return them as soon as I'm done. Well, except for Daniel. I might ask him to stick around for a while! *G*

Feedback: Yes please!! The more feedback I get, the more likely I am to post/write the next part! . Constructive criticism is always welcome, flames will be read and then sent to cyber-hell - I believe in freedom of speech, I just won't pay any attention to it! Any screw-ups are mine, this is unbeta'd.

Key: / = thoughts; italics = emphasised words

Part One

~Daniel~

It's been a week since our latest encounter with alternate realities and things are not, as Jack would say, 'peachy'. Sam and I have hardly spoken; well, what I mean is, we haven't spoken about anything except work, and even that was when it was absolutely necessary. We really need to talk about what happened - or didn't - but for once, I have no idea how to start the conversation. I don't even know what I want to say. I....I....like Sam, alot. Who wouldn't? She's intelligent, compassionate, caring, beautiful - stop it Jackson, she's your best friend! Those kind of thoughts could get both of you into a lot of trouble. Both of us.

~Sam~

Well, I was wrong. The awkwardness between Daniel and me has lasted longer than it did with the Colonel and I don't know why. I do know it's partly my fault - for some reason I can't seem to act normal around him, when I am around him. For the past week we've been in our separate labs working on the items we found on P2X 913, that blasted mirror planet! Daniel's working on translations, I'm working on finding out how the technologies work. We usually work together on stuff like this - sometimes he translates something that helps with my job and vice versa. But this week we're working separately and any possibly helpful information is exchanged via phone, or worse still, a messenger. What happened?

We were friends, the best of friends. And now, because of yet another alternate reality, my relationship with a member of my team has been thrown into question for a third time. I suppose I was lucky it wasn't the Colonel again or he might've started getting the wrong ideas. Though, in some ways, this is worse. Daniel and I aren't even talking to each other, and....... I miss him, alot more than I could ever have imagined. Could I........? No, surely not! I can't be falling in love with Daniel, can I?

~Daniel~

Okay, so despite the possible, no probable, trouble this is bound to cause, I think I've fallen in love with Sam. Actually, I think I fell in love with her a loooong time ago, maybe even before Sha'uri died. Sorry Sha'uri. Or maybe during that time just after, when I was trying to deal with finally losing Sha'uri completely.

Sam had been there then. She knows that I deal with things by burying myself in work and she helped then by always keeping me busy. She was always there for me as well, always checking on me and working in my lab just to keep an eye on me. She'd call every night to check that I was okay, knowing that being alone in my apartment, not having anything to do but think, would be the hardest times for me. Sometimes we talked for hours - just small talk - until I was too tired to think anymore. Other times, I'd need to talk about it and she would listen, really listen. Jack tried too, he just wasn't good at it, but I appreciated the effort and I made sure he knew that.

Sam, though, she had become a new constant in my life. She went from someone I was lucky to have as a friend, who'd made my life that little bit more interesting and enjoyable, to someone I needed as part of my everyday survival package. Some revelation huh? The question is what am I going to do with it?

If I tell her how I feel and she feels the same then .........ah, what would be the chances of that? Y'know, maybe I'm exaggerating the platonic feelings that I have for Sam into something they're not. So we almost kissed last week, almost. That was a few seconds in a strange situation. It could be seen as 'under the influence of alien technology' - a moment of madness. Why am I not believing this already?

Maybe because whenever I stop concentrating all I hear is her soft voice explaining some brilliant theory that tears the breath from my lungs with its intelligence, her intelligence; or whenever I shut my eyes all I see is her face - her bright blue eyes, beautiful blonde hair and *that* smile, a smile that lights up my world everytime I see it. Oh yeah, I'm in love with Sam, but what if she doesn't love me back?

~Sam~

In answer to my own question - yes, I can! And I am. I'm falling in love with Dr. Daniel Jackson, double PhD; archaeologist, anthropologist and linguist extraordinaire. God, he's so impressive....and kind, and caring, and so passionate about his beliefs. Daniel would fight for anything he believed in, and for the last three years he'd believed in finding his wife, his love. Now Sha'uri is gone, but is he willing to have another relationship so soon? Does he even want to? If Daniel has feelings for me, he would have said so, surely. Then again, Daniel never has been great with those types of feelings, as far as I know. I've never known him let anyone get close to him since Sha'uri. He seems so alone at times. There were times, after Sha'uri died, when he'd let me in a little. Midnight phone conversations when all I'd want to do was jump in my car and drive to his apartment so I could hold him tight and tell him everything was going to be okay. I felt so helpless.

I should tell him how I feel. As his friend, it's like my duty. Besides, he has a right to know, I owe him that.

This isn't going to be easy.

~Daniel~

Okay, worst case scenario: I could tell her and she could never speak to me, again. No. Sam wouldn't do that; but things would never be the same. We'd be awkward around each other. She'd probably never want to be left alone in a room with me for the remainder of our lives. It would be like the situation we have now, but forever. For all eternity. I couldn't handle that. I can't put Sam in that position, and I can't risk losing my best friend.

Decision made. Friendship comes first. Hopefully my other feelings will fade with time.

Part Two

Daniel headed to Sam's lab. He still didn't know what he was going to say but he knew what he had to mean. He also knew that it was going to hurt, but he had to do it, for Sam's sake. He reached the door to her lab. It was open so he tapped lightly and walked just inside, closing the door behind him.

Sam had looked up when she heard the soft rap on the door. She smiled slightly at the man she was just about to go looking for. He returned the same smile. Daniel was practically backed up against the door, unwilling to move closer. The atmosphere was tense and both Sam and Daniel could feel their pulses begin to race.

"Sam"; "Daniel". They spoke together before Daniel raised his hand to stop Sam from continuing. He had to say this quickly. Sam complied.

"Sam." Daniel took a deep breath. "I just wanted to tell you that I ....think we should forget about last week." It was out. Daniel hadn't yet made eye contact with Sam after the initial smile. He didn't want to now, but he knew that he had to see Sam's reaction. He pushed aside the pain he'd just caused his heart, and the voice in his head that was calling him a hypocrite. For years he'd been saying that showing your true feelings was always the best thing to do. Now he was lying to conceal his own. Daniel almost bailed at that thought but he had to make sure that Sam was okay, although he couldn't really think of a reason why she wouldn't be. He looked up slowly. "Is,......is that okay?"

Sam heard the words come from Daniel's mouth. It took her a couple of seconds to process what Daniel had said. She was shocked and hurt but she only let it show for a few seconds. When Daniel had finally looked up from the floor and asked if she was okay, she'd heard the concern in his voice and managed to paste an understanding smile on her face. She had her answer: Daniel didn't feel the same way. End of story.

"That's fine Daniel" / wider smile for effect/. "I was going to say the same thing. The last week hasn't exactly been great. I missed you." The last words came out as barely a whisper and Sam dropped her gaze to the desk in front of her. /That wasn't the wrong thing to say, was it?/ She panicked and looked up to see the reaction from Daniel. /Oh, question answered./ Daniel had a soft, almost regretful smile on his face.

"I've missed you too" /She meant as a friend. She had to./ Daniel was relieved. He had his friend back.

Part Three

Daniel left Sam's lab almost immediately, believing he'd done the right thing. Sam had accepted what he'd said with no objections and had actually agreed. He should've been happy that Sam was okay with this but there was a part of him that wished she wasn't. Not in a malicious way. He just wanted Sam to show a discreet sign, something, anything, that suggested she felt more than friendship for him, but it had never come. No, Sam had seemed fine.

Unfortunately, Daniel didn't think the same of himself. He needed some time alone. Daniel practically ran down the corridor to his lab. He locked the door and leant against it before sliding down to the floor and wrapping his arms around his knees. He rested his head on his arms and just sat there thinking of what might have been; a tear burning a silent trail down his cheek.

Sam was crushed. All her hopes and dreams had been destroyed by that one sentence: "I think we should forget about last week". /Thank God he went first - I could have told him how I feel. Then he would have rejected me./ She ran through the events of the last week in her mind. Seeing Danny and Samantha together, Sam had realised later that she'd been watching her ultimate dream. And that kiss with Danny in the mirror room before they'd even found Samantha; so slow and soft and gentle, yet firm and passionate all at the same time. Sam shuddered with the memory. That had been her acting out her ultimate dream, even if it was the wrong Daniel. But it had almost happened with the right one too. Sam shut her eyes and remembered Daniel's hot breath lightly caressing her lips. They were so close, and it wasn't just her - he was moving closer too. /What was that? A moment of madness?/ Sam felt some anger rise inside her but she squashed it quickly. There was no use in getting angry. There was no use in dwelling on the past when it now had no bearing on the future. No matter what, her and Daniel were friends and that was it.

Sam ran to the door of her lab and locked it. She turned the lights out and returned to her seat. Resting her head on her arms, which were rested on the table, she cried silently before her emotional exhaustion took over and she fell to sleep.

Sam and Daniel went back to working together as if nothing had happened. They realised that Jack and Teal'c seemed a little concerned about them during their next mission, and promptly set about proving that they were okay. They were talking and joking like they always had done and Jack and Teal'c soon found their worries gone. Unbeknownst to them, and to each other, Sam and Daniel's re-found friendship was a front on both sides, a front both of them were struggling to keep up.

By SG-1's second mission after the alternate reality event, Sam was finding Daniel a little annoying. Some of the things that Sam used to love about Daniel now just succeeded in winding her up: his "we come in peace" greeting, his excitement over new artefacts and cultures, his...... /AAHHHH!! Why can't he just shut up?!/ Now Sam was confused. A couple of days ago, she thought she was in love with Daniel. Now, she couldn't stand being around him for longer than two minutes. She also felt guilty. Daniel hadn't done anything wrong, he'd only told her the truth. Yet Sam couldn't help it, something inside her snapped when he was around. Things were well and truly screwed and she didn't know how to fix them.

Daniel was going through almost the same thing as Sam, except he blamed himself alot more. Whenever Sam started on her scientific explanation of something or other, Daniel would wince and cringe. Then he'd feel nauseous and an amazing amount of guilt. It was his fault, all his fault. Not just lying to Sam, but that whole almost kissing thing should never have happened. /I shouldn't have collapsed. Then maybe Sam and I wouldn't have gone back to that room alone and none of this would've happened./ Now everytime he was with Sam, she reminded him of how weak, or cowardly, or damn hypocritical he was, and he was beginning to hate himself for it.

Things were just about coming to a head when the SGC had a staff party. It seemed that after months of hard work, General Hammond had decided that all of the SGC personnel needed a break, for a couple of hours at least. The party was held in the commissary and everyone was there. Sam and Daniel were both dragged along by Janet and Jack respectively. Jack was worried about his 2IC and resident archaeologist again - they seemed worse than ever now. They weren't talking and Jack thought that they were even avoiding each other, which was pretty hard to do being half of a team on a different planet, a galaxy away from home. Whatever happened, Jack was determined that they sort it out by the end of the party, or he'd lock them in a room together until they agreed to play nice again.

After two hours, a very pissed off-looking Major was leaning against a wall, looking a little worse for wear. She had yet another drink in her hand; Jack had noticed that she never had an empty glass, and had smiled a grand total of twice, both times courtesy of Cassandra. Jack had also noticed the spears that Carter was throwing at Daniel from her eyes everytime she saw the guy even hint at a smile, which wasn't very often. The very depressed-looking double PhD was knocking the drinks back a bit as well, considering he hardly ever drank. He was stuck to the wall opposite Carter. No spears from his eyes, just a steady change from total guilt to total guilt with a hint of "stay away from me if you know what's good for you". Jack had never seen Daniel so uptight and it was driving him crazy. He grabbed Janet and told her to get Daniel outside while he went for Carter.

Having been physically dragged out of the commissary, Janet needing Teal'c's assistance, Sam and Daniel found themselves facing each other in the corridor, Jack standing between them with Janet and Teal'c behind Jack.

"Listen here you two." Jack was a little drunk and very annoyed with this half of his team. More than that though, he was worried. Worried that they were destroying each other for no apparent reason. He had to get them to see sense. "You've been ripping each other to shreds for the last fortnight. Now I'm not going to pretend that I know what's going on, I'm not even going to try a guess. I just want you to sort it out so that we can get this team back working _as_a_team!" Jack punctuated the last three words with light pokes on Carter and Daniel's shoulders. Both glanced quickly at Jack before returning their stares to each other, anger and hurt flowing freely between locked gazes, although neither really thinking enough to see it. Their audience didn't notice either. Janet and Teal'c had backed off a little and Jack was too distracted with trying to yell some sense into Sam and Daniel to notice. After a moment's silence, Jack dropped his voice to barely above a whisper, the anger disappearing completely. All that was left was concern for his team-mates and friends.

"Carter, Daniel look. We've noticed that something very serious is up here and we're more worried than anything. You're destroying each other. We're asking that you talk it through now, before you do something irreparable. Please?!" Jack's obvious concern in his voice coupled with the words "destroying" and "irreparable" seemed to get through to the pair. They both dropped their stares to the floor and nodded. "Good. We'll leave you alone then." With that, Jack walked back towards the commissary with Janet and Teal'c following.

They remained silently staring at the floor after their friends' departures. It was an awkard silence, intensifying until Daniel couldn't bear it any longer.

"Uh, hm. Sam?" Daniel was hesitant. He was half expecting Sam to start screaming at him, maybe even hit him. The other half was expecting her to just walk away in silence. Not a cell in his body was prepared for her actual response.

"Not here" Sam's voice was quiet and exhausted. It cut through Daniel, making him enter a death-fight with the sudden urge to pull her towards him and never let go. He won that fight, just. Sam didn't look up. She was biting her bottom lip nervously.

Daniel, realising that they needed a little more privacy, offered another suggestion. "My office, then?" He was looking at the top of the head bent before him. Sam was trembling a little and Daniel inhaled deeply while waiting for Sam's answer.

Sam exhaled loudly with puffed cheeks. She ran her hand through her hair and lifted her head slightly, still not making eye-contact. Her hands rested on the back of her hips as she stood casually, looking at the wall to Daniel's right.

"This base is suffocating." Sam's eyes darted everywhere but Daniel's face. She took another deep breath before carrying on. "My place. Let's go." With that, she turned around quickly and headed for the elevator. Daniel was pleased and worried at the same time; pleased that Sam wanted to talk, worried about what they were both going to say. He knew there was only one way to find out and followed Sam to the elevator that led to the surface above.

Part Four

Sam and Daniel got an airman to drive them to Sam's apartment - both had had too much to drink for them to drive. They travelled in silence, not looking at each other; each just silently contemplating what could happen in the next couple of hours.

It was only a short ride to Sam's but it felt like an eternity. Daniel followed Sam into the apartment cautiously. He still felt as though Sam was going to explode on him at any minute though he was clueless as to why. He sat down on one end of the sofa, bolt upright. He couldn't relax like he'd always done before. The last time he was here he was sitting on the rug in front of the fire, Chinese in hand, discussing some interesting scientific thing from whatever mission they'd just come back from, whilst he was secretly admiring her intelligence, watching her beautiful lips form the words that verbalized those amazing ideas; those large, expressive blue eyes shining with passion and excitement, although not exactly for the reasons he wished.... Why had he screwed it up? He could cope with being friends, just, but not with Sam hating him. If she would just tell him what he'd done he'd do anything to put it right. Anything.

As Daniel sat down on the sofa, Sam paced slightly behind it before collapsing into the armchair. She didn't know where to start. She was angry that Daniel had hurt her so much, and even more angry that he didn't even seem to realise. /How can he not know how I feel about him?/ Sam laughed internally, a sad laugh. /Because you hide your feelings. Daniel's not a mind reader and you're an emotional rock. How could he possibly know?/ Sam's anger lessened, but didn't disappear.

Daniel was concerned at the silence. He watched Sam's face change expressions. When he saw a split second of pure sadness pass through her eyes, he had to speak.

"Sam, what's happened?" His voice was desperate and pleading. Sam almost crumbled and told him everything right then, except he was still asking the question he should know the answer to.

"You really have no idea, do you?" Sam's voice was filled with disbelief and Daniel was totally confused. "Think Daniel. Just think."

"I have been thinking, for weeks!" Daniel was frustrated, but still tried to keep calm and sincere. He'd missed something pretty big here but he couldn't for the life of him think what. Maybe if...."Sam, could you just tell me what I've done to upset you so much?"

"Daniel, I shouldn't have to tell you!" Sam was yelling now. Sam stood up and turned to the mantle, leaning on it with her arms locked.

/What? What is it?/ Daniel was quickly moving to distraught, annoyed and a bit of anger himself now, although he still managed to keep his voice steady-ish. "Right, Sam. I'm going to start from two weeks ago, when we were in your lab. I dropped by your lab to make sure that we were....we...that that damn alternate reality thing wasn't going to cause any problems between us, right? I, we agreed that nothing had changed. And, and after that we were okay. Now I wasn't just imagining that, was I Sam?" Now it was Daniel's turn to yell. Sam hadn't moved since he'd started and he'd worked his way to her side. His hurt at being shut out, at causing the pain of someone he'd die to protect and being helpless to stop it, finally sent his anger to the surface. It wasn't aimed at Sam, it was aimed at himself, but he still yelled. His chest was heaving, lungs fighting for deep, quick breaths.

That was it for Sam. Her breathing was just as deep and quick as Daniel's before he'd finished speaking. After hearing the tone he'd yelled his last question with, Sam turned to face Daniel, moving closer so that their noses were almost touching. She yelled straight into his face.

"NO!!!"

Daniel's eyes widened at the anger in Sam's eyes but there was something else there. Was it....despair? Or the loss of hope? Daniel began searching Sam's eyes frantically, looking for answers. /Why? What is it? What can I do?/ Daniel could usually read Sam like a book through her eyes, but he'd found recently that they had been guarded, almost permanently cold. He just stood there and stared, trying to reach Sam's soul.

Sam just stared back at first, not revealing anything she didn't want Daniel to know, but his intense stare was playing games with her body and mind. The tension between them was building by the second, until they both snapped.

Their lips met, not gentle and caressing as Sam had expected before, but hard and full of passion. Daniel's hand moved to the back of Sam's head and pulled her closer still, his tongue sweeping wildly inside her mouth, his every built-up tension and emotion for Sam being released through that kiss. His other hand was gripping the mantle, trying to hold them steady, and keep some kind of hold on reality. It wasn't working; his mind wasn't functioning anymore.

Sam's tongue was giving as good as she got, although her mind had other ideas. She moved her hand to Daniel's chest as if preparing to push him away, but she couldn't do it. She was losing the battle against her feelings; logic abandoning her when she felt that she needed it most. Felt. All she could feel right now was Daniel's demanding tongue, soft lips, fingers stroking the back of her neck lightly, incongruous with the firm hold of his palm, and the sudden need to breathe.

They broke apart, gasping. Neither opened their eyes and Daniel didn't stop. He couldn't stop, he didn't have control. /Hell, control is an illusion/ This was Daniel's last thought before he moved his lips to Sam's neck, running rapid trails of kisses up and down the side before settling on the join between neck and shoulder.

The first thing Sam did when they broke apart was command her mind to think. /Think, think! So much to talk about, so much to resolve, reasons why we shouldn't be doing this./ Then Daniel reached her neck. /Oh God, forget it. Engage auto-pilot and goodbye./ Sam moved her hands to grab at Daniel's shirt and their lips met again. Sam walked backwards towards her bedroom, pulling Daniel with her. His hands moved to her hips and guided her around the furniture, never breaking the kiss. They disappeared inside the room and Daniel kicked the door shut. Not another word was said between them that night.

Part Five

Daniel was walking down the street, hands dug deep into the pockets of his pants. It was still dark and there were very few cars on the road, which was lucky for Daniel because he'd crossed several roads without looking for traffic. There was no point in looking, all Daniel was seeing was Sam.

He'd woken up at about 3am with a slight headache and a lot of confusion. He felt an arm across his stomach and a weight on the pillow that his arm was tucked under. Sam's arm, Sam's head. His first thought was happiness, pure and complete bliss. But then he started thinking, and remembering. They were teammates, colleagues and, most of all, best friends. And now they'd spent the night together and jeopardized everything. Worse still they had both been drinking. /What if Sam wakes up, sees me, and decides that it was all a big mistake? What if she blames me, says I took advantage of her? God, what if she's right?/ Daniel completely flipped, every one of his fears and insecurities exploding into irrational proportions, enveloping him in his own worst nightmare. He was about to lose Sam, and the only way he could think to stop it was by taking things back to how they were before they'd even found that alternate reality, when he and Sam were best friends and there was nothing else, no other wants or needs or feelings. Daniel knew that meant denying his true feelings for Sam, denying his heart and soul - and his own beliefs on expressing emotions - but for once he'd found something more important than all of that. Sam was worth it. At that moment, Daniel had gently removed himself from the bed and grabbed his clothes. He'd taken one last look at the still-sleeping Sam, thinking that he'd never seen a more beautiful sight, before fleeing the bedroom. Tears had stung the back of his eyes, escaping as he'd slipped out of the house silently.

He'd decided to walk to his apartment, about forty-five minutes away on foot. Yet, two hours later, he was still walking in the darkness, the image of Sam sleeping peacefully haunting his mind. He kept running scenarios through his head of his next meeting with Sam. Some began with her yelling, others with her trying to understand. All ended with her not speaking to him. By the time he'd reached his apartment, not knowing how he'd managed it, he was completely exhausted. He collapsed on to his bed, craving the sleep he needed so much, but would never get.

Sam awoke at 8am, an hour before SG-1 was due on base for a briefing. Her first thought was of Daniel. She remembered what had happened the night before almost instantly and was floating on cloud nine. Then she opened her eyes and realised that she was alone. /Okay, he's probably getting some coffee./ After searching her apartment, she'd found no trace of Daniel. It was as if he'd never been there, as if the previous night had never happened. She threw herself into her shower, stifling the tears that threatened her control. She'd never felt so hurt before and would never have believed in a million years that Daniel could cause her this much pain, if he hadn't just done exactly that. Sam's rational mind was begging her to give him a chance, telling her that he must have some explanation for why he left, but the pain was drowning the plea and Sam left for the SGC resolved to make sure that Daniel never had the chance to hurt her again.

The briefing was short, since Jack was hungover from the party, Sam was very distracted and Daniel hadn't even turned up. Sam cursed herself for feeling slightly worried about Daniel but that feeling didn't go away until he turned up at her lab some three hours after the briefing.

Daniel had more passed out than fallen to sleep at about the same time Sam was waking up. He slept restlessly for an hour and a half before waking up with a start from a nightmare where Sam was continuously asking him "why?". What she was asking him about he didn't know. He didn't want to know because he knew the answer would certainly take her away from him.

By the time Daniel had arrived at the SGC after pulling some of himself together in preparation to see Sam it was nearing noon. The first person he ran into on the way to his office was Jack.

"Daniel." Jack walked up to Daniel and slammed his arm around his shoulder. "Got time for a little talk? Good!" Jack hadn't waited for an answer. After the briefing he'd managed to ignore his headache for long enough to realise that Carter not being happy and Daniel not being present meant the "problem" not being fixed. Which in turn meant that one certain archaeologist was being head-hunted by one very pissed-off Colonel, since said Colonel did not fancy his chances with Major Carter considering the vibes she'd been giving off. Everything about her that morning screamed "stay away" and that's what the sensible people were doing.

When Jack and Daniel reached Daniel's office, Jack had closed the door behind him and turned to Daniel with a very false grin. Daniel knew what was coming.

"Daniel." Jack's tone was pleasant but the undertone was full of impatience.

"Jack" Daniel mirrored the tone. He really needed to talk to Sam and Jack was just holding him up.

"What's going on?"

"I don't know. I've only just come in." Daniel really didn't mean to annoy Jack, one team mate after his blood was enough, but Daniel just couldn't help it. He'd have to find a way to control these moments of madness he was continuously experiencing.

"Daniel." A warning. "You turn up half way through the day, looking like death warmed up by-the-way..."

"Not looking too good yourself there Jack." /Daniel what is wrong with you?/ Daniel's conscious mind couldn't even believe he'd said that.

"Daniel, shut up!" Daniel gave an answering nod, knowing that he had to listen. "You and Carter were supposed to sort things out last night and yet I turn up to what should've been a nice relaxed briefing to find my 2IC close to tears while silently declaring war on anyone who dared speak to her and my usually-too-eager civilian AWOL. Now I'd like an explanation."

Daniel had tuned out after Jack's description of Sam. "Is she...is....is Sam okay?" Daniel was choking back tears but luckily Jack didn't seem to notice. Or so Daniel thought.

"To be honest I'm not sure. Sam's one of the best officers I know but something's gotten to her." Daniel turned his back to Jack, his control failing rapidly. Jack walked up behind him and put his hand on Daniel's shoulder. Daniel's head dropped. Jack's voice softened as he felt the gentle trembles running through the younger man's body and up through Jack's arm.

"Daniel, I know it's gotten to you too. Why don't you tell her how you feel?" Daniel's head snapped up and around at that. His bright blue eyes were wide in surprise. Jack was surprised himself at the face he saw staring at him, almost through him. He didn't know how or why things were that bad but he knew that they had to be fixed. "I know, Daniel. I can see it. The stolen glances, the little smiles, the look in your eyes. You should tell her. If anything she has a right to know."

"Jack, it'll ruin everything. The team, the friendship, everything." Daniel's voice was shaky but he'd gotten over his shock at Jack's observations. After all, the guy was one-time Special Ops - observation had to be high on the skills list for that job.

"Or you and Carter could live happily ever after. You won't know unless you try."

"But is it worth it Jack? Is the slim chance of Sam and I as a couple worth risking everything we have right now? Is it worth losing her completely? I really don't think so." Jack could barely hear Daniel but he recognized the desperation in the quiet voice. /Lose her?/

"Daniel, you're never going to lose Sam. She would never let that happen, and neither would I or Teal'c. We're family. Why you'd even think that Sam would turn her back on you I have no idea."

"Because ..." Daniel almost told Jack what had happened the night before. Instead he shook his head and took a deep breath. "I need to talk to Sam."

Jack just nodded his agreement. And reached to open the door. As he did so, he offered one last piece of advice. "Just be honest Daniel. You're so good at it, I don't know why you stopped." Daniel had to smile at that, a small sad smile. He left the office and headed for Sam's lab as Jack watched him leave from the doorway.

Part Six

After the briefing, Sam went straight to her lab and locked the door behind her. Locked herself in, locked reality out. Locked Daniel out, so he couldn't hurt her anymore. But it was too late. The pain had already been caused, and all the door had done was locked it in the room with her.

Sam had tried to concentrate on the new Naquada reactor she was building but concentration seemed to elude her. All her mind wanted to do was replay the previous night over and over, throwing her emotions through loops just like the real events had done. Three hours she had been sitting there, staring at the reactor but not seeing it, thinking about what had happened, what she'd done wrong, what had made Daniel leave, but she couldn't find anything. Daniel had been on the same page as her all through the night, every step of the way. He didn't pause or hesitate or pull back once, she was certain. So why.........?

After exhausting every option, there were only two explanations that she could come up with. The first was that Daniel had woken up with a hangover and a whole load of regret from the night before, leaving in shame or...embarrassment? The second was that she didn't really know Daniel at all; that Daniel had another side to him, dark and hidden, and that this was actually a common thing for him. That thought made Sam nauseous. She didn't like either idea but Daniel making a mistake and handling it badly was still better than Daniel being a womaniser.

/Wait a minute, Daniel? Womaniser?/ Sam couldn't believe she had even thought of that. She knew Daniel, on so many levels, and some of his most attractive qualities were respect and honesty. And yet neither of those were evident this morning, when she'd woken up alone. Circles, Sam was going around in circles, each time becoming more and more confused until she didn't know what she knew or what she felt. And then there was a knock at the door.

"Sam?" Daniel. Sam had to admit he had great timing. "Sam, if you're in there then I, I don't know. I guess, um yeah, I need to talk to you. If that's okay with you."

If Sam hadn't been so confused and hurt she'd have laughed at Daniel's rambling. She couldn't resist a small smile that didn't reach anywhere near her eyes, but it was enough to break her control. Small tears slipped quietly down her cheeks, only succeeding in angering her. She swiped some tools off the edge of the bench before collapsing on a stool and resting her elbows on the newly-cleared surface, her head in her hands.

Daniel was just about to walk away, thinking that Sam wasn't inside, when he heard the tools hit the floor. He turned his attention back to the door so quickly he almost gave himself whiplash. He rapped on the door lightly.

"Sam, please let me in. I think we need to talk. Please." There was still no response. Daniel's anxiety was growing by the second, whilst his hope was fading just as quickly. After another pause he decided to leave Sam alone, before he caused any more damage. He rested his forehead gently against the door as he spoke.

"Uh, Sam. I'm going to leave, okay? I just wanted to say that, I never meant to hurt you," Daniel's voice had dropped to just above a whisper as tears stung his eyes. He looked up, searching for the right words and willing the tears to stay put. "and, I'm so sorry." His voice broke mid-apology and he once again turned to leave.

Sam had flinched at Daniel's tone when he'd said he was leaving. He'd sounded so sad and hopeless. But it was the sincerity that he'd spoken the next part with that had drawn her to the door. When he'd apologised, Sam had to open the door, not just because she wanted to give him a chance but also because she was suddenly angry again. Did he really think that was all it would take?

Daniel had already taken a couple of steps away when the door opened. He didn't notice until he heard his name, firm and solemn. "Daniel."

Daniel turned slowly, still trying to control his emotions and failing quite badly. Sam gestured for him to come in. He noted the faint signs that told him Sam had been crying but he'd also noticed the slight flashes of anger that escaped from her guarded expression. He felt his heart break all over again as he walked past her.

Getting Sam to let him in had been hard, trying to explain his actions of late was going to be almost impossible. But he had to try.

Part Seven

Daniel entered the lab and immediately noted the tools on the floor. He bent down to pick them up when he was interrupted.

"Leave them." Sam's tone was yelling 'don't mess with me' and Daniel didn't want to risk upsetting her even more than he'd already had. He left the tools and stood awkwardly in the middle of the lab.

"I'd appreciate it if you'd just say what you want to say and then leave." Same tone, but the words cut through Daniel this time. Had they really been reduced to this speaking-under-duress, only talk when required thing?

"Sam, please."

"What? What do you want, Daniel?" Sam almost snapped then, the anger in her rising a few notches with Daniel's soft, pleading voice. The anger was a defence mechanism against that voice - if she kept hold of her anger she might just be able to resist it's caring undertones.

"To fix this. To put things right." The words almost died in Daniel's throat as his hope took another dive. Sam had made eye-contact for all of one second since he'd entered the lab, and all Daniel had seen in her eyes then was anger and pain. Caused by him. /Please Sam, give me a chance to take that look away./ "Back to the way they were before all of this."

"Which 'this' would that be, Daniel? The almost-kiss on that planet? The dismissal of what had happened in one sentence? Constantly winding me up, throwing your brilliant ideas and theories in my face every chance you got? Or would 'this' be you actually kissing me and sharing my bed, then dismissing it again....?"

"Stop! Please stop." Daniel's hands had covered his face, his voice shaky. The outburst from Sam killed Daniel's last threads of hope. He'd hurt her, a lot, beyond repair even, and Sam had just proved it. He turned his back to her and wandered the few steps across the room to the bench on the far side. Hands still over his face, he bowed his head. Silent tears rolled from his eyes.

Sam did stop when Daniel spoke. She'd also looked up just as Daniel had turned away from her. She watched his almost-stumbling steps and his gentle collision with the bench, waiting for him to continue.

Daniel didn't speak. They both stood in silence. Sam's anger subsided to concern as she thought that Daniel was going to collapse. The silence seemed to last for hours before Daniel suddenly fell forwards to rest his elbows on the bench in front of him. He exhaled a couple of deep shuddering breaths and rubbed his hands over his face in an attempt to wipe away the moisture. Standing upright, he turned around and leaned back against the bench, grasping the edges on either side of him. He slowly raised his head to look vaguely in Sam's direction, preparing to end it all.

"Sam." No voice, just air. Daniel cleared his throat and tried again. "Sam. I know I've screwed up and I came here hoping that I could at least begin to make amends, but, but, I don't think it's possible." He paused and closed his eyes, composing himself again. Sam was standing there, looking straight at him while his gaze was now directed at the floor. He continued. "I never, never wanted to hurt you and yet it seems that's all I've managed to do recently. Well, it stops here. I don't, can't, keep hurting you," Daniel paused again, chewing on his bottom lip slightly. Sam hadn't moved an inch; she'd given no reaction at all. "So I'm going to transfer off SG-1."

Sam dropped her gaze to the floor at that. This was it. Daniel was so embarrassed by what had happened between them that he had to get away from her. She swallowed the lump in her throat and asked: "Why?" She meant 'why did all this happen?' and, thankfully, Daniel understood.

"I wish I could explain Sam, I really do, but I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have. I'm sorry Sam, I ca-an't explain." Daniel finally cracked and headed straight for the door with his head down. As he passed Sam, he forced out a strained "I'm sorry."

Then he felt Sam grab his arm.

Sam was finally hearing what Daniel had been saying - he didn't want to hurt_her? /What the hell is going on here?/

"Daniel, I need you to try, try to explain to me why all of this happened. We need to talk this through so that we can get past it and get back to being friends." Sam winced internally at that. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to be "just friends" with Daniel now, but it would be better than losing him. The fear of that had already killed her anger. Watching Daniel in such obvious distress made Sam think that maybe there was more to all this than Daniel was letting on, and she needed to know what.

Daniel seemed to consider it for a minute before turning around and looking at Sam. There was a resolve in his eyes, a look of determination that Sam hadn't seen since.......it had been a long time. Daniel then gave her a sharp nod and went back to the stool by the bench on the far side of the room. Sam sat on a stool opposite him, leaning back on her workbench. There was a short silence while they both waited for the other to speak. Daniel finally broke it.

"Sam, maybe you should ask me what you want to know, and I'll try and answer."

"Do you regret it?" Sam blurted it out as quickly as she possibly could. Daniel didn't miss a beat.

"No. Well, I," Daniel noticed Sam's eyes widening. "God Sam, I don't regret what we did last night." He shook his head for emphasis. "It's just, there are other things that I regret."

"Tell me." Sam was relieved about Daniel's first statement but curious about his second. /Just what did he regret?/ Daniel was silent again, seemingly lost in thought. "Daniel?"

"Y'know, we decide the paths our lives take by making numerous decisions every day, and most of those decisions only take a moment to be made. A single moment." Sam just listened, sensing that what Daniel was saying was very important, in some way.

"Sometimes it's not enough. Sometimes, instincts in these......moments are affected by reactions to the situation, causing temporary.........I'm not making any sense am I?"

He was making sense to Sam, she was used to him taking the scientific approach, but she didn't like the sound of what he was saying one bit. He didn't think what happened was embarrassing or regretful, but he did think it was wrong? Sam felt the anger rise within her again. He was saying that he'd made the wrong decisions, that it all came down to a moment of.........what exactly?

"Temporary what, Daniel? Insanity? Are you saying that you leaning in to kiss me was the result of a moment of, of madness during your thought process? That you, us, last night was nothing but a bad decision on your part? Well I'm sorry Daniel, but that's not good enough."

"No, Sam. I'm not saying that! Just, please, hear me out, will you?" Sam gave a small nod - she was the one who asked for the explanation in the first place after all, and he was trying.

"Yes, I did make bad decisions and I think you're right when you say that I had these moments of madness." Daniel decided to go for broke. Telling Sam the truth now was the only option if they were ever going to be friends again, and besides, Jack was right. If he and Sam were to find out where they stood with each other then he'd have to tell her how he felt. He took a deep breath.

"I was mad when I didn't kiss you in that room. I was mad when I said that we should forget it. And I was damn well certifiable when I left you to wake up alone this morning. But my problem is I think too much. When we got back from that mission I thought a lot about us, our friendship and whether we could be more. And I decided that I couldn't risk losing you as a friend, even if that meant we would never be anything more. I thought I was doing the best thing for both of us." No response.

"But then everything started going wrong. We weren't getting on, and the friendship I thought I was protecting was collapsing around us. In your apartment last night I didn't know what was happening. All I knew was that you were hurting and I was angry at myself for being so helpless to stop it. Then I woke up early this morning and my first reaction to finding you next to me was just... overwhelming joy." Daniel looked at Sam with a small smile on his face but when he was greeted with the top of Sam's head, the smile disappeared and his head dropped too.

"And then I thought about how much we'd both been drinking that night, and that maybe you'd wake up and think that I'd taken advantage of you or something."

"God Daniel, no." Sam whispered. "I knew what I was doing. And you were probably as drunk as me. I could just have easily have taken advantage of you." Daniel raised his eyebrows before continuing but Sam was still staring at the floor.

"I guess I just panicked and ran. Or walked actually. Took me over three hours to get home, and another two-ish to get to sleep. Anyway, Jack caught up with me just before I was going to come to talk to you, and no doubt say something else that would have been totally stupid. Jack told me to be honest, that it was the only way I'd know if I had a chance with you."

Daniel had stayed on his stool up until this, but now he had to be closer to Sam while he said what he was about to say. He got up and walked slowly towards her, stopping about a metre in front of her. Sam still wasn't looking up. Daniel spoke with a quiet, gentle voice.

"So, I'm telling you now what I should have told you weeks ago. I've fallen in love with you Samantha Carter, and I know I've hurt you, but I hope that you'll give me the chance to make it up to you." Daniel paused, waiting for some kind of response. The response was Sam's shoulders trembling and her bowed head shaking from side to side.

"Sam?" Suddenly she walked forward into Daniel's personal space and leant her head on his shoulder. His hands automatically wrapped around her to hold her close but he didn't know how Sam was feeling about his latest admission.

"I'm sorry, Sam." He whispered it into her hair and then felt the head on his shoulder turn from side to side.

"I love you, Daniel."

Sam wrapped her arms around Daniel's waist then pulled back to look up into his eyes. Her face was wet with tears but she was smiling at Daniel. "I thought you'd have realised last night. I was angry at you because you seemed to be able to carry on like nothing had happened, as if you didn't have any feelings for me at all. I shouldn't have been but I was. Now I know why you did the things you did and I understand that you were only doing what you thought was best."

"Sam, I feel really bad..." But Daniel was cut off.

"Shhhh. The only important thing now is us, and our future."

"Our?"

"Our." They smiled at each other. "Just as long as you tell me what you think is best for us before acting on it, okay?! At least, give me some warning!"

"Yes ma'am." That comment gained Daniel a soft slap to the back, but it didn't stop him. "Uh, ma'am, I really think it would be a good idea if I kissed you right now."

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea too." And this time Sam got the slow and gentle kiss she'd been dreaming about for ages.

"I love you, Sam." An intimate whisper as they stood wrapped in each others arms, foreheads leaning together, breathless from their embrace.

"I love you too, Daniel."

"Even with all my madness?" Daniel raised a brow in humour.

"Well, we all have our moments."

THE END!!

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