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Maybe
Warnings: Nope, don't think so. A bit of mush maybe. Oh and Daniel was stupid again! He causes the damnedest situations when he does that!
Author's Notes: I wrote this for Mel because she wasn't feeling too good! She said post it so I have! (Has anyone realised why it's always other people's faults when I post fic??) Um, it's quite short - broken into parts simply for cliffhanger potential! For all the Mods (you know who you are!) and all the other SDers out there! Hope you like!
Disclaimer: I don't make any money period so I'm sure as hell not making any money from this. I'm just borrowing the characters (from a whole list of people: MGM, Gekko Productions, etc.etc. I'm surprised these characters don't have major identity crises!) for a short while and I'll return them as soon as I'm done. Well, except for Daniel. I might ask him to stick around for a while.
Feedback: Why else d'ya think that addy's down there?
Part One
Sam couldn't sleep. She was sat up in her bed just staring into nothing. Nothing. Nothing made sense anymore. Just a couple of days ago everything was perfect. Almost perfect. She had walked Joe to the Stargate, arms wrapped around each other like any other normal married couple, supporting each other after yet another setback in extending their family and reassuring each other with the hope of 'next time'. Still, Earth was safe, the Goa'uld were destroyed and working with the Ashen was, at the very least, a learning experience.
Now, Sam's world had fallen apart. Earth was still safe from the Goa'uld, yes, but not from the Ashen. Their 'saviours' were slowly but surely annihilating them, in the worst possible way. The Colonel was right, the Ashen were bad news and SG-1, the team that had previously saved the world on numerous occasions, were now responsible for the end of it.
That wasn't the worst part for Sam though. She had just found out that her beloved husband, the man she had been married to for six years now, knew what the Ashen were planning when the treaty was signed, a decade ago. Suddenly, the man she knew better than anyone had become a total stranger.
Sam looked at that man lying next to her now, sleeping a little restlessly. They'd talked for a while after Joe had agreed to get the GDO from Kinsey's desk, discussing ways of switching the replica and the device. They didn't discuss why the GDO was needed and they didn't mention the Ashen treaty.
Sam was still angry and hurt. She felt totally betrayed by the person she believed she could trust the most and at that moment, couldn't see a way that their relationship would survive. Right now that betrayal was suffocating her. She had to get out of there.
Sam transported to Cheyenne Mountain. She loved it there. The SGC held many good memories for her and when she'd toured the base earlier with Daniel, she'd realised how much she missed her job in SG-1.
The Base was locked up and unnaturally quiet. Sam walked up the side of the mountain a bit, and followed a couple of paths until she reached a clearing on the edge of a ridge. She sat down and looked out over the lights of Colorado Springs.
This was where she'd come when she needed a break from the SGC, when she hit a wall on a problem and needed to clear her head. After being blended with Jolinar, Sam had spent a lot of time up here trying to organise her thoughts and feelings, desperately trying to distinguish between hers and Jolinar's. She had seen many sunrises from here. This was her spot.
"Sam?"
Correction. This was their spot.
Sam wiped her lower lashes, clearing the tears that refused to fall.
"Daniel." She smiled slightly but didn't turn around. "What brings you up here?"
Daniel walked towards where Sam was sitting, closer to the edge than he was comfortable with, as usual. He paused a short distance behind her right shoulder and stood looking out over the view, hands shoved into his pockets.
"Oh, you know. Just remembering old times." He shot a worried glance at the back of Sam's head. "You?"
"Just.... thinking." Daniel raised his eyebrows slightly.
"About....?"
""Old times"" They said together, Daniel in question and Sam in answer. They looked at each other, smilling before chuckling lightly.
"You gonna sit down?" Sam returned her gaze to the city.
"Yep, I'm gonna sit right here, away from.....there." Daniel flung his hand towards the edge of the ridge as he sat down just behind and to the right of Sam's shoulder. Sam couldn't stop the smile breaking over her face again. "You want to, maybe, move back here a bit?"
"No, I'm fine here, thanks." Daniel's answer was just a raise of his brow. They fell into a comfortable silence.
Daniel was surprised to find Sam up here, and instantly worried. He'd thought she would be with Joe, and then the realisation had struck. Sam probably asked Joe to get the GDO and something happened. But what? He refused? He told the authorities of their plan? Why was Sam sitting here alone on the mountain in Colorado Springs? He wanted to ask, but knew that whatever had happened between them was really none of his business. Apparently, Sam thought differently.
"I told Joe about the 91% drop in the worldwide birth rate. How the Ashen were killing the Human Race." She almost managed to keep the emotion from her voice but Daniel knew she was fighting the tears, just like she'd always done. You could take Sam out of the military but you couldn't take the military out of Sam. Ever.
Daniel broke himself out of his thoughts and realised that neither of them were talking again.
"What did he say?"
"What did he say?" Sam echoed, with a humourless laugh that ended just as suddenly as it started. Her voice became hard, full of the anger she felt at Joe for being involved, and herself for not knowing that Joe was capable of this. "He said, 'it should have been a third of that'."
Daniel dropped his head, his first thought being how Joe had betrayed Sam. Both he and Jack had been suspicious of Joe simply because he was a politician, and a pretty important one at that. Finding out that he was involved in some kind of conspiracy wasn't surprising but discovering that he knew the Ashen were deliberately stealing the chance for women to have children was..... God!! Daniel couldn't stop the anger welling up and he clenched his fists. Joe was partly responsible for that, for causing that pain to so many women, couples....
Sam.
Daniel's anger was quickly replaced by concern when he looked at Sam's shaking body. She was crying into her forearms and Daniel immediately scooted forward to her side. He wrapped his arm around her back and pulled her against him. He brought his other hand up to the back of her head, which was resting on his shoulder, and gently stroked her hair with his fingertips, offering comfort. Neither knew how long they sat there, Sam crying into Daniel's shoulder, safe in Daniel's arms, but when the tremors finally stopped, they didn't move.
"I didn't know, Daniel. I thought I knew Joe. I couldn't even imagine him doing something like this." Her voice was level but Daniel could tell she was pretty distraught.
"Shhh, Sam. It's okay. It's not your fault." Daniel tightened his hold and Sam moved her arms around his waist. "You couldn't have known."
"I married him Daniel. As in 'till death us do part'? I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with him and now I don't even know him. At the moment, I just wish that I'd never met him." Sam was on the verge of tears again and Daniel was trying to think of some way to make her feel better. The only thing he could come up with was the hope of taking it all back. Which required the GDO.
"Sam? Sam, listen to me. This was probably the last thing on your mind, but did you ask Joe about the GDO?" It probably was the last thing on her mind, but, knowing Sam, Daniel knew she would've remembered it.
Sam seemed to snap into military mode for a minute. She regained her composure and pulled out of Daniel's embrace. They both felt the loss, physically and emotionally.
"He's going to try to get it in the morning. With any luck, this nightmare of a world will cease to exist tomorrow." Sam looked out over the city again, but her eyes were unfocused.
"We'll never meet the Ashen, there won't be a treaty...."
"I'll never meet Joe." Daniel couldn't tell by Sam's tone if she thought that was a good thing or a bad thing. Before he had time to consider asking her, Sam said something that threw Daniel completely.
"Maybe we'd stay together."
Part Two
Sam moved her eyes, but not her head, to look at Daniel. She didn't know how he was going to react to that. She remembered the time when she would know Daniel's reaction to almost anything. Anything except his ex-girlfriend being turned into a host. Daniel had reacted badly to that, and it proved to be the end of their nine-month relationship. It wasn't unpleasant, and they remained the best of friends afterwards. There was even the hope of getting back together, but then SG-1 met the Ashen, and hence Sam met Joe. Everything had changed after that, but Sam had occasionally found herself thinking back to the time she spent with Daniel. That was one of the best times of her life, and moments like this reminded her of how much she missed them. Missed him.
Well, maybe not moments like this. They had fallen into an awkward silence and Daniel was staring at the sky just above the horizon. Sam panicked slightly.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," Sam muttered, so quietly that she thought Daniel might not have heard her. But he had, and it was enough to bring him out of his thoughts.
"Don't apologise." Daniel dropped his head to stare at the floor by his feet. "I..... I really screwed that up." He quickly glanced up towards Sam with a small, apologetic smile, but didn't make eye contact. He again found the floor extremely interesting.
Sam was quick to protest. "No, you didn't. It just..." Sam paused to swallow. "...it didn't work out."
"Be-cause, I....screwed up." Daniel's voice was quiet and soft. Sam recognised the guilt in it, and wasn't going to let Daniel feel guilty for something she didn't consider his fault. To be honest, she didn't totally understand what had happened, but she knew Daniel had had his reasons.
"Daniel..."
"No, Sam. We, er, never did have this conversation." It wasn't a question but Sam answered anyway.
"No, we never did. Are you sure you want to?" Sam wasn't. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear what went wrong in her life a decade ago. She'd moved on. They both had.
Daniel just nodded in reply. "I think it's about time. You don't have to say anything. Just.... listen. Is that okay?"
Sam lifted her hand to her mouth, resting her elbow on her knee, and played with her bottom lip. She nodded and fixed her gaze on the horizon.
"The reason I, uh, um," Daniel removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "God this is hard!" he said under his breath. Sam heard the mutter and simply placed her hand over his on his knee without moving her gaze. The silent show of support caused Daniel to start again with renewed determination, his glasses remaining discarded on the ground.
"I was scared. Sha'uri was trapped under the control of Amounet for almost three years. Three years of witnessing the worst of evil, committed by her own hands. She was my wife and I loved her, but I couldn't protect her from that and eventually, she died. She died to save me. And ever since then I've been trying to earn that sacrifice, to deserve it. To be a better person and to help others as much as I could."
Sam tried to think of how Daniel could be a better person and couldn't come up with a thing. She squeezed his hand gently, willing him to continue.
"Everything was going great. And then things got even better when we got together. I was.... in heaven." Daniel turned the hand resting under Sam's so they were palm to palm. He gently stroked his thumb over the back of her hand and glanced at her face. She remained staring out at the distance but she could feel the light and very familiar caress. It caused tears to sting at the back of her eyes. Suddenly she didn't think she was as 'over' Daniel as she'd believed.
"What happened Daniel? Did I do something?"
"No! No, you didn't do anything." His fingers closed around her hand lightly as he ran his other hand through his hair. The last thing in the world he ever wanted was for Sam to think that any of it was her fault. He bit his lips together and tried to swallow the lump in his throat as he turned to look in the same direction as Sam. "It was...stupid!" He said the last word through clenched teeth, desperately trying to maintain composure. He hissed back a deep breath.
"After Sarah was taken by Osiris, I had this irrational idea that I was this jinx. Everyone I ever loved kept dying. My parents, Sha'uri, and then Sarah...."
"Sarah wasn't dead. Then." Lame she knew, but right now Sam couldn't believe what she was hearing and would say anything that opposed what Daniel was saying.
"No, technically she wasn't. But she is now. Even back then, realistically there was very little chance of us ever saving her." Sam nodded. She had to agree with that.
"I couldn't let that happen to you, Sam. I thought that if I backed off, if I kept you at a distance then I could protect you." Tears were falling freely down Sam's cheeks now. But she was angry again, this time with Daniel.
"Protect me? I didn't need you to protect me, Daniel, I needed you to love me!" She removed her hand from his and rubbed both of hers over her face to clear the tears. Daniel looked down and squeezed his eyes shut.
"I know. I did love you, more than I'd ever loved anyone before." He loved her still, but he wasn't going to tell her that. Daniel took another deep breath. He was looking at Sam's profile. She had her forehead resting on her hand, elbow resting on her knee. She looked distraught and a familiar pain formed in Daniel's chest. "I was wrong. I made a bad decision when I wasn't thinking straight. Two weeks later, when General Hammond retired and the SGC was being bombarded with radiation, I realised that life was too short to not do things because of what might happen."
"You, you didn't say anything." Sam eyes narrowed as she looked directly into Daniel's.
"I tried. I could never get a moment alone with you and I was always waiting for the right time. I was sure you would turn around and tell me to get lost, and I couldn't have argued with that - it was what I deserved. When I finally decided that I was going to tell you the next time I saw you, no matter what was going on or who was there, I walked into your lab and saw you with Joe."
Sam closed her eyes. She remembered the comments everyone had made about her and Joe when they first met. Apparently there was an instant chemistry and Sam couldn't deny the attraction she'd felt. Despite that, she had still loved Daniel and if he had asked her back right then in her lab, she wouldn't have thought twice.
"What happened to 'no matter what or who'?" Sam's voice wasn't working very well. She just felt like crying forever at the moment. Could this day get any worse?
"I saw how happy you were. You hadn't smiled like that for weeks and he was the one who'd caused it. I didn't think I had the right to just walk back into that part of your life after what I did. You were moving on and I couldn't drag you back."
"I wish you'd stop that!" Sam spat out angrily. Daniel reeled back a bit in surprise and then gave her a questioning look. "That self-sacrificing shit! Daniel, it had been two weeks. TWO! Did you think I would just move on that quickly? That you meant that little to me? I LOVED you! More than anyone. Joe wasn't even in the picture at first. I told him I had just come out of a serious relationship and he stuck around, waiting for me to move on. Do you know how long that was? Five months. Me and Joe didn't start dating until five months after we met."
Daniel covered his face with his hands. He was crushed. All that time he wasted, keeping his distance so that Sam could get on with her life when all he was really doing was pushing her away. How could he have been so stupid? He pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to stop the headache that was building.
"I didn't know!" he managed to force out before hugging his knees to his chest and lying his head on his forearms. He stayed still for a moment, the tears soaking his arms, unknown to Sam.
Suddenly Daniel lifted his head and dragged a hand down his face. Sam finally saw that he'd been crying and wondered why he was so upset. She'd thought he had been thinking about the past, possibly a little surprised by her revelations, but the tears and obvious anguish were totally unexpected. This happened ten years ago and they were still best friends, although not that she thought about it, they had drifted apart since her marriage to Joe.
"Daniel...?" He turned to look vaguely towards her and cut her off, shifting his gaze between her face and the ground as he spoke.
"I'm sorry Sam. All I can say is how sorry I am, and that I never meant to hurt you." He looked at her for a moment, making eye contact and keeping it as he continued. "I'd rather die a thousand times than hurt you." He leant forward and placed a light kiss on her temple before turning to get up. He had to leave, now; the pain of staying was just too much. But a hand on his arm stilled him.
Sam realised what Daniel had said. His last statement was present tense, not past, and suddenly all the parts fit. Could Daniel still be in love with her after ten years? There was only one way she could find out.
"Daniel?" She spoke to his back, which actually made things slightly easier for both of them. "Do you still love me?" Daniel's head dropped.
"Yes."
Part Three
Daniel's answer was only a whisper, but to Sam it was as if it had been yelled from the mountain top. Daniel still loved her and all of a sudden she was forced to finally face her feelings for Daniel, feelings she hadn't dealt with, but buried deep and hidden behind her inferior feelings for Joe. She did love Joe, the same way she had loved Jonas. They had fun together, had loads of things in common and respected each other. It was love, but with Daniel it had been different. Daniel was a part of her. He made her feel like she could do anything, that everything would be okay as long as they were together.
Having had this sudden realisation, Sam wasn't going to lose Daniel again. She tightened her grip on his arm and pulled him back around to face her. She cupped his cheek with her other hand and covered his mouth with hers in a gentle kiss. When they pulled back, Daniel was more than a little surprised.
"Sam?"
"Shhh Daniel. You should have told me ten years ago, but I guess it's better late than never. And.. I still love you too."
"But what about Joe?" Sam rolled her eyes.
"Will you ever stop thinking of everyone but yourself?" She didn't give him time to answer. "I love Joe, yes. But with you, it's more, deeper." She pulled him towards her again and they kissed once more. When they broke apart, Sam rested her forehead against Daniel's as she spoke. "You complete me."
Daniel opened his eyes slowly and met Sam's wide-eyed gaze. He kissed her lips and then her cheek before pulling her into a tight hug. She wrapped her arms around his neck in return and they just held each other for what seemed like, or maybe what they wished was, an eternity. Daniel finally whispered into Sam's ear.
"This is....wrong. Amazing, but wrong." He felt Sam stiffen and try to pull away but he wasn't about to let her go. If anything, he tightened his hold. "No. I mean, what do we do now?" Sam relaxed again.
"You mean what do we do tomorrow?" Sam felt the small nod and this time succeeded in moving back slightly, just far enough so she could see Daniel's face. "It doesn't matter. Tomorrow, or actually later today, none of this, none of the last ten years, would have happened. We won't meet the Ashen..."
"And you won't meet Joe. And maybe..."
"Just, maybe." Sam stopped the conversation with another kiss, long and slow, just how they both remembered. The kiss and the memories left them both slightly breathless.
"Daniel?"
"Yeah?" Daniel answered with the same cautious, thoughtful tone.
"Have you seen the view?"
"Ye-arrrgh!" Daniel had begun to answer as he turned around and saw just how close to the edge they were. He quickly moved away from the edge, still a metre away, and towards Sam. She grabbed his arm to reassure him.
"Daniel, it's okay. I mean, it's not as if the ridge is going to break away from under your feet, causing you to plummet a hundred foot or so to the...."
"Sam!" Sam was trying to control her laughter. It wasn't working, and Daniel found it infectious. A smile broke out across his face. "Well, I'm glad you find this amusing but I'm just going to move back... here." He scooted back and behind Sam until he reached a large rock near the centre of the clearing. He leant back against it, and watched as Sam, now sitting a short distance in front of him, turned around to give him her best sulking expression. Daniel rolled his eyes in mock-annoyance and then grinned as he moved forward. He grabbed Sam's waist and pulled her back with him until he was again leaning against the rock but this time, Sam was sitting between his legs and leaning back onto his chest. He wrapped his arms around her waist, her arms resting over his, and Sam leant her head back onto Daniel's shoulder. The levity was replaced by the highly-charged emotions between them and she sighed softly as he pressed his lips against her temple.
"I love you, and I just hope that I don't screw up again with my second chance."
"I know that you won't, and I love you too." They stayed in their embrace for the rest of the night, sharing kisses and caresses, memories and hidden feelings, and the beautiful sunrise. Maybe this day wasn't so bad after all.
Daniel knocked on the door to Sam's lab. She looked up and offered the tentative smile she always gave Daniel these days.
"Daniel, how can I help you?"
"I, uh," Daniel licked his lips and looked down for a moment. He remembered what the small Egyptian writing had said at the bottom of the futuristic note - 'D, Put yourself first and tell me'. It was Sam's handwriting.
Sam wandered towards Daniel and was standing in front of him when he raised his head again.
"I'm so sorry, Sam." He flashed that small, apologetic smile and took a deep breath before continuing. "I still love you, more than anything, and I was hoping maybe...." He was cut off when Sam took a step forward, clasped her hands behind his neck and kissed him gently.
"Why do I get the feeling that you're going to be doing that a lot?" Daniel's voice was hardly a whisper. They smiled at each other.
"We-ell, maybe....." He kissed her deeply. Neither of them wanted it to end, and there was no maybe about that.
~~~~~~
The End.
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