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Always

Theories: Chapter 2

Warnings: There's no alcohol!

Author's Notes: Thx to everyone who wrote me feedback on Drinking an' Thinking, and especially to Beth who is an angel no matter what she says!!

Disclaimer: I don't make any money period so I'm sure as hell not making any money from this. I'm just borrowing the characters (from a whole list of people: MGM, Gekko Productions, etc.etc. I'm surprised these characters don't have major identity crises!) for a short while and I'll return them as soon as I'm done. Well, except for Daniel. I might ask him to stick around for a while. Or tie him up so he can't leave!????

I don't know what to do. Her words keep running through my mind.

'Tell him, Sam. He loves you. He told me, just before, just before I watched him die.'

'Tell him, before it's too late.'

And then she went and died (or maybe malfunctioned and short circuited) on me. Without explaining what she meant or what had happened the past three years.

Okay, so I know what she meant. Daniel. Despite the fact that she didn't watch the Colonel or Teal'c die, I know that she was on about Daniel, because even back when the clones were created, I was falling in love with him.

It was so wrong. He was married and, well, does there need to be an 'and'? Yet still in that address-cartouche room, when he came up with a theory I definitely should have thought of first, I couldn't help it. I mean, I was already impressed knowing that he was the one who'd deciphered the gate, and then I met him and the first thing I thought was, well, was 'a genius and stunning, could he be any more perfect?'. That's when Sha'uri turned up and I had to add 'or unavailable?' to that thought.

Then there was that kiss, as though she was marking her territory. Well, message received loud and clear! Oh yeah! Until five minutes later when we were playing ping-pong with the most amazing theory I'd ever heard, his theory. Then all I wanted to do was throw him on the floor and rip his clothes off. Thank God for Air Force training. And guilt, guilt which increased ten-fold when Sha'uri was taken.

After that, it was that training and guilt that stopped me from actually doing anything. We were searching for his wife, a woman who'd become trapped in a living hell, and all I could think about was how lucky she was for having this man's love and devotion. And of course, the more time we spent together, the more my feelings grew.

He didn't help! We were always working together - the scientific half of SG-1. Always bouncing theories or problem solving. Even though he's an Archeologist/Anthropologist/Linguist he would always listen to my most-detailed, physics-based explanations. His patience is like energy - never destroyed, just transferred into different types. Patience with my rambling, patience with Teal'c's misunderstandings, patience with the Colonel's sarcasm.

Always patient.

And then he was caring. Through the whole Cassandra ordeal, he was always there. Always checking on me, making sure I was eating and resting, until everything was sorted. And then he was there when I needed to talk about it. He just listened, and reassured, and comforted.

Always caring.

The clones were made not long after that. When we left Harlan and the second SG-1, a part of me hoped that maybe my clone would tell Daniel -'s clone - the truth. After all, they were going to be stuck on that planet together for a very long time. Technically their lives were over, their Gate was going to be buried and the lives they had the memories of living weren't theirs to continue. And still I, she, didn't tell him!

Jolinar distracted me for a long time. Daniel was still there, probably more than ever, but I had too much information and too many memories running through my head. And other feelings. Amazing, it took a Tok'Ra symbiote jumping into my body to finally put my feelings for Daniel to the back of my mind. For a while anyway.

But he was always there.

I could go on forever like this. Pointing out all the times when he was caring or patient or comforting. Ironic then that the times when I probably needed him the most, he was actually the cause of the problems. That sounds horrible, but it's true. Everytime Daniel was thought dead, everytime he was lying comatose, lifeless, in the infirmary, or missing, or trapped, or schizophrenic, or he was in pain himself I felt as if my whole world was collapsing around me, and he was the only one who could make things right again. Talk about a vicious circle. I tried to comfort him as he always did me, but sometimes he wouldn't accept, or couldn't. Instead he'd deal alone and I could do nothing.

Always stubborn.

'He told me, just before I watched him die.'

If I ever have to watch Daniel die, I know I'd die too, in any way that mattered. There would just be this emptiness in my life, too big and deep for anyone to fill, anyone but Daniel.

'He loves you. He told me,'

But that's two different 'he's'. There was 'he' as in the real Daniel, the one who'd died several times, who'd relived the death of his parents over and over, who'd seen his wife give birth to another man, his worst enemy's child, who'd seen his wife killed by his friend, who'd suffered addiction and body-swapping and insanity and the loss of yet another friend to the Goa'uld and almost, almost jumped off, off his own, off his own balcony.........

Air Force Majors do not cry. Air Force Majors do not cry. Air Force Majors do not cry.

Then, then there's the other 'he'. The one she lived with for three years. Who didn't know everything that had happened to Sha'uri, who hadn't died, hadn't had any of that stuff happen to him. He was a different person, and so was she. Almost like an alternate reality. There's no telling if my, er, the real Daniel would feel the same. Actually, knowing everything he's gone through, it's very unlikely that he'd feel the same way about me as I do about him. Bordering impossible. And I'm alright with that. I always have been. Daniel's been my closest, my best friend for the last four years and that's enough.

[ring]

Always friends and nothing more.

[ring]

And that's enough!

[This is Sam Carter. Leave a message and I'll get back to you.]

#Sam, I realised something tonight and I wanted you to know, thought you had a right to know. I'm in love with you.#

[pause]

Oh my God! Definitely not enough.

Daniel's in love with me!

[pause]

As I am with you, Daniel.

Always.

End.

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