Donna has to be one of the most amazing people I know.  But, she is probably also the most annoying person I know. 

Don’t get me wrong, since she strolled into my life and decided to make herself mine  - something about which I really didn’t have a say - she has made the biggest difference. 

And yet she can drive me slightly nuts with her questions and whining about wanting her money back.  Do you know that she still hasn’t forgotten that, and I get random invoices with the interest calculated?  I swear one day I’m going to turn up to find the bailiffs at my door. 

But she keeps me on my toes and that helps when dealing with Senators and political sharks who are after my blood.  She is protective as hell, ask Toby about trying to see me while I was recovering from being shot and he goes white and says it’s best not to mention it.  Apparently he made fun of Donna – something not to be done lightly unless you like getting hit around the back of the head, hard.  And that was Sam’s fault.

I think I’ve been confused about Donna for a long while now and for the first time it’s all become perfectly clear.  And it was then that I had my backwards revelation – if you know what I mean.

Apparently if you ask most people they’ve seen an attraction there from the start.  Even Joey pointed out that she was aware of Donna’s ‘feelings’ for me.  I’m not sure what shocked me most about that, the idea of Donna having those feelings for me or the image of 100 Donnas, which let’s face it, could get very scary, very fast.

But I don’t see it, the attraction that is.  Oh I have feelings for her; she’s gorgeous, witty and can hold her own with me.  Yes I can safely say that I’m attracted to Donnatella Moss.  But then most men can say that about most women that they meet.  It’s a man thing, I think…? 

But Donna attracted to me? – well of course I’m an attractive man and very powerful too but I have to face reality here.  I’m older than her which, while not ruling out a relationship does tend to lead to weird moments when you realise that while you were graduating high school she was starting school.  And she’s my assistant and I’m her boss, and y’know, sometimes that involves yelling. Lots of it.  How on earth could she be attracted to someone who turns up at her flat drunk and throws up on her carpet while swearing at her friend’s cats?

Well all of that was my reality until today; until Donnatella Moss, the goddess in my life made me fall off my bed.  In more ways than one.

Earlier that day.

“I blew the tobacco thing.” Do you know that has to be one of the hardest sentences in my life?  I don’t know if I can make her understand how I’m feeling but I think I’ve certainly scared her.

“I could’ve helped this.  It’s going to be a very close election.”

I turn from her and go into the bathroom muttering about a shower but in reality I’ve just got to put some distance between us.  I don’t think Donna has ever seen me quite this upset, I try very hard not to show her that side of me.  Josh Lyman does not do vulnerable.

Damn! My hand is hurting like hell – I really shouldn’t have hit that doorframe.  You think I would have learned by now that hitting things with my hand does nothing to relieve the tension I’m feeling. 

Stripping off my t-shirt I turn on the shower before I move in front of the mirror and look at myself.  Who have I become, who is this man who is staring back at me?  I’m not entirely sure anymore and I think that’s beginning to worry me.

A tentative knock startles me out of my reflection and I know it must be my Donna.   Yeah I like to think of her like that.  In some ways she is mine and I find that comforting though she would hit me very hard if I told her that.

What is she waiting for?  She normally barges in, or is she trying to figure out if I’m naked.  Hmmmm now there’s a thought and it causes me to laugh quietly.  Donna wanting to see me naked – like that’s ever going to happen.

 “Donna if you want to see me naked and you’re using that ‘oh but didn’t you hear me knock?’ routine it’s not going to work.” Damn my mouth, which as usual has spoken without asking my brain’s permission. 

You think I don’t realise I do this?  Let me say 5 words “Secret Plan to Fight Inflation”.  My mouth can put me in some serious holes that the rest of me then has to get out of.

"Joshua if I wanted to see you naked I wouldn’t have even bothered pretending to knock I just would’ve walked straight in.”

Well …. ahkay.  She’s not helping dismiss these images I’m having is she?

“Sounds like you’ve given that some thought there Donnatella.”

“Josh we need to talk.”

I open the door a smidgeon “We do?  ‘Cause you know one minute you’re yelling at me to shower and shave and now you want to talk.  Which one is it Donna?”  I’m trying to keep this light but I know she wants to talk to me about what happened.  But I don’t want to – can’t she just drop it?  Okay for a second I forgot this was Donna!

“Talk.  We need to talk”  And that’s her assertive voice, the one that means she isn’t going to go away.  Damn it.

I walk out into the bedroom and get about two feet before I realise that she’s sort of staring at me.  For a second I almost think she’s checking me out – yeah right!  I’ve probably just shattered any illusions that she might have had about me.  I wonder if I should grab my top?  Nah - that’s going to make me look like a sissy.  Walk tall and proud Lyman!  If in doubt – strut.

“So what are we talking about?” I walk over and sit on the bed and try to look as manly as I can which involves pulling in certain muscles and sticking out others.  I’m not sure I can breathe anymore.

I look at her carefully to see if this having any positive effect but I can see her eyes aren’t quite focusing on me. 

And it’s then a worrying thought hits me.

Oh god she wants to quit.  She’s had enough of my tantrums and unbalanced mind and wants out.  I’ll never cope without her and that’ll be the end of that.  Goodbye career hello lecture circuit.  Oh well it was nice while it lasted. 

“Donna?” I need her to just say it but all she does is move over to sit next to me. 

“Donna? What’s wrong?” I lean forward and I realise that I’m near to the edge of the bed but I almost feel like fleeing at what’s coming.  I don’t know if I’ll be able to take this … rejection. 

“Would sex be so bad?”

HUH?

Oh!

I think I need to sit down!

Oh I am sat down.

On the floor. 

I think I fell off the bed but I’m not entirely sure.  My brain seems to have decided to take an early vacation. 

 “Donna!” I can’t quite control my voice yet and it’s decided to wander into the high range again.   I think she just asked me to have sex with her but I need to double check here.  “Did you just say what I think you just said?” I realise I’m talking to her legs but I can’t quite get up the strength to get up onto the bed.  My legs have turned to jello