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Four SGC Members and a Mattress
Warnings: This story causes insanity - run, run, run!
Author's Notes: Written as part of a challenge on the SDR list. Use the lines:
"Daniel! Put it away before the Colonel sees us!" and
Jack stared at the two scientists, his eyes bulging until he couldn't take it anymore.
Disclaimer: Anything that is theirs, isn't mine.
Feedback: Yes please, feedback makes me glow (though not in the Danny sense).
"Okay somebody explain this again – how did we end up in this mess" Jack stormed his patience rapidly running out after two hours of being stuck here.
"I believe it was you O'Neil who thought that this was going to be a 'snap' as you put it" Teal'c replied.
"Look I don't care whose idea this was" Daniel moaned "can I just put my end down please. We've been like this for hours now."
Sam stood there watching the banter fly back and forth and groaned inwardly as she realised that this was not going to be over anytime soon.
"My god!" Jack exclaimed "we battle system lords, destroy mother ships, defeat intelligent computer programs, and between us speak about 26 different languages and yet we can't get a flaming mattress up a staircase."
The four of them were wedge in a small staircase Jack and Sam at the top and Daniel and Teal'c at the bottom. Supported between them and now stuck like the proverbial cork was a big Queen Size mattress.
"O'Neil perhaps we should admit defeat on this." Teal'c intoned.
"Goddamn it no! It has taken us weeks, no make that months to get permission for you to finally have your own apartment Teal'c. And you are not going to make do with a puny military mattress. No this baby has been sitting in my spare room for months and I can't think of a better home than your new one!"
Teal'c outside demeanour didn't change but inside he was groaning. Jack had taken it too heart that Teal'c should have his spare bed in his new apartment and despite his polite and steady comments about not needing it, Jack hadn't quite got the message yet. It was always that way with Jack, how was it that Daniel put it, oh yes, "like a dog with a bone". Not that Teal'c understood that expression, Teal'c hadn't met any dogs and tested this theory yet. However, when he had a chance he was sure that Daniel Jackson would be correct in his assumption.
Jack looked around at the weary team and wondered how on earth he was going to get them out of this mess.
"Teal'c down your end a bit" Jack tried again.
"Down my what?!" Teal'c said, confusion crossing his face, one eyebrow raised.
"Oh for crying out load" Jack tried very hard not to explode. Stepping back he decided that maybe a break was called for.
Both Daniel and Sam were trying hard not to laugh. Sam pulled a face at Daniel, trying to get him to laugh first. This was not going unnoticed by Jack.
"Kids, I'm going to head up to Teal'c place to get me a glass of nice refreshing water." Jack turned and headed up the stairs.
"Hey Jack, we could really do with something to drink too. Jack…? Jackkk..?!" Daniel shrugged as Jack stalked of ignoring them.
"I do not think he heard you Daniel Jackson." Teal'c noted.
"Hmm Teal'c I think that that was a more a case of grumpy Colonel syndrome" Sam pointed out.
Daniel reached down into his pocket and took out a Swiss army knife and managed to retract the saw blade.
"Daniel what do you think you are doing?!" Sam voice carried a note of alarm.
"Well, I figure we have one choice, we can either stay here all day or try cutting this thing and freeing ourselves!"
Sam looked at the small blade and then at the thick mattress. She decided that laughter here was not a very constructive answer right now. Hearing the Colonel's footsteps on the stairs again she knew that the even the slightest mention of harming his mattress would cause a row.
"Daniel! Put it away before the Colonel sees us!" but it was too late and Jack stopped dead on the staircase.
Jack stared at the two scientists, his eyes bulging until he couldn't take it anymore. He then turned his attention to Teal'c who was standing there quietly observing as usual.
"Et tu Teal'c?" he asked before turning to stomp quietly back up the stairs.
"Would that be one of the 26 languages that we speak O'Neil?" Teal'c asked ignoring the desperate looks from his team mates.
Noting the hisses of despair from Carter and Jackson, Teal'c came to a decision and turned and walked back down the stairs towards the jeep.
Both Sam and Daniel just looked at one another and shrugged.
After a while Sam started to laugh. Daniel looked confused then started to laugh as well. After a while he asked, "Why are we laughing?" which prompted more hysterics from Sam. Between gasping breaths, she said "It was just this silly thought that popped into my head, you know. You, me, a mattress and here we are on our own." She wiped away a tear from her eye.
"Err why is that so silly. Do you find me that unattractive?" Daniel asked his puppy dog eyes turning sad with a hurtful look. Sam suddenly realised her error. "No, no, no not at all Daniel, I find you very attractive." Suddenly realising that that didn't sound too good either and noting the wicked grin that had now found its way across Daniel's face she started to gabble to find a way out of the hole she had dug.
Looking deep into Daniel's eyes, she suddenly realised that she quite like being in this hole with Daniel and she just stared at him with a smile and a hint of seduction on her face.
Daniel who had been ready to tease her about her statement suddenly found the stairwell becoming hot and uncomfortable, not to mention the effect that Sam was suddenly having on him. He made sure that the position of the mattress was still blocking anything from view but realised that this was not lost on Sam. Blushing deep red he tried to think of a way out of this situation without embarrassing himself any further.
At that moment Jack bounced back down the stairs, his earlier upset forgotten, like five year olds tend to do. "Okay folks how we doing. Ready to give this one more shot" he said. He suddenly noticed the tension in the staircase but was then distracted by the fact that he noticed Teal'c was missing.
"Now where did he get to?" Jack groaned. Suddenly they all heard the sound of a Zat gun charging. Acting on instinct they all dived for cover as the whining noise of the zat discharging was heard followed by a hollow whumph noise. Suddenly the air was thick and heavy and shouts could be heard. Jack looked up with his weapon drawn ready to fight whatever foe was attacking. Sam and Daniel both inched their ways from behind pieces of debris trying to orientate themselves on what was happening.
It was then that Jack noticed that the mattress was no longer there and the air was filled with thousands of feathers, fibres and dust. Looking at Teal'c who was stood on the stairs, an air of innocence surrounding him, he started to choke as rage filtered from his brain to the rest of his body.
"YOU DIDN'T DID YOU? HOW COULD YOU? MY MATTRESS, MY BEAUTIFUL MATTRESS" Jack was in full flow.
"O'Neil, sometimes we must accept personal loss for the good of the group." Teal'c said "It was a situation that I felt called for more forceful action"
Jack stood there, feathers in his hair and then turning on his heal stomped down the staircase out into the jeep. The rest of SGC heard it pull away with a squeal of the tires.
Teal'c turned around that sincere smile on his face. Looking at Sam and Daniel he said "Please excuse me I feel the need to meditate." And started back up the stairs.
"Thanks Teal'c" Sam shouted gleeful to find herself with the rest of her day of free.
Walking past Daniel she turned to look at him, a wicked smile on her face. "Daniel, I think I have a problem with a mattress at my place that I could use your help with." And with that she sauntered down the stairs, swaying her hips in a provocative manner.
"Oh Boy!" Daniel said, brushing pieces of mattress out of his hair. Looking back up at Teal'c who had stopped briefly on the stairs to witness this exchange, he suddenly realised that he couldn't wipe the smile from his face. Grinning he whooped and charged down the stairs after Sam.
Teal'c turned and started back up the stairs. He knew he had made the right decision. Nothing could come between the dynamics of SG1, not even a mattress.
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