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Effect
Warnings: Set during Meridian. If you don't like Sam's farewell speech now is the time to leave.
Author's Notes: As someone who loves the dynamic between Sam and Daniel I thought her scene stopped three words short. So I rectified this - LOL
Disclaimer: Nope still not owning them, credit for them solely to MGM and Gekko.
Feedback: Like water on a hot day - a necessity.
Effect
When they first brought him through the gate she squashed any fears that this was the end. How many times had one of them been injured, killed even and they had always found a way out of the situation. Someone always saved the day.
But it was only when Jack told her that Daniel had said that there would be no running off to find help, that one person wasn’t worth it that she realised that this was actually happening.
The cold exterior she erected as a defence started to crumble. Janet had gently explained to them what would happen to Daniel as the radiation started to destroy his body and Sam had had to step out to stop herself from being sick. She knew the reality of radiation poisoning but to see it happen close up to someone she cared about was sickening. She looked in Jack’s eyes and saw the same denial she kept feeling. Teal’c was the only one who seemed to have excepted it and he was preparing for Daniel to move on.
But her and Jack kept up the denial. Until she saw him there wrapped in bandages, his skin weeping blood. She knew then that his organs were failing and she had gone to get the healing device. But it had made things worse, her inability to control it cost Daniel more pain and the sickness she was feeling returned. As Janet stood there looking at her, fear in her eyes she had turned and run from the room.
So here she was sat on the floor of the women’s toilets avoiding her best friend. She couldn’t watch him die, she wouldn’t watch him die. They would save him and everything would be okay again. Denial was the most amazing form of protection and she almost believed that if she kept this up Daniel would walk in now and kneel down beside her. She could almost hear his voice “Come on Sam, get up there’s work to be done”. His soft gentle voice.
The defenses broke and the emotions ran free through her. The denial she felt was washed away and she realised that what was destroying her now was this denial she had felt for longer than she could remember. Not the denial of his dying but the denial of her feelings.
Walking back towards the room she wondered why she hadn’t be honest with him or herself sooner. This felt surreal entering this room and stood there watching him wondering where to begin.
Her throat constricted and the words hurt her more than anything had in her life. Such pathetic words to try and sum up everything but she tried to make him understand.
“You have an effect on people Daniel.” The tears fought to control her but she swallowed down hard and forced the words to come out “The way you look at things – it changed me too.” God how he had changed how, changed her beyond any recognition. Before she had even met him he had changed her life with his discoveries. And now through knowing him he had changed her heart.
Looking at his body seeing only his half shut eyes through the bandages her heart broke and the emotions stormed through. She struggled to find any words that made sense. She reached forward and touched him angered that she couldn’t find any way to make contact through the bandages.
“I see what really matters,” her voice went and the tears streamed down her face as she battled with herself to hold on for just a few more seconds “and I don’t know why we wait to tell people how we really feel, I guess I hope that you always knew” she wanted to say more but the shaking was now beyond her control. She broke down, her hand covering her eyes as the sobs started coming from her body.
Why had she never told him before – and now she wasn’t even sure he could hear her. She felt a coward for waiting till this moment and even now she wasn’t making her thoughts any clearer.
Leaning forward she gently kissed him with the gentlest touch she could manage. “I love you Daniel” she whispered her sobs now consuming her. Tears dropping from her onto his covered face. “See. You have an effect on us all and I am going to miss you more than words could ever say.”
Sitting back she watched him. Watched the man who had changed her world forever, slip away and take her heart with him when he went.
Fin
Feedback: mel@ahkay.net
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